I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
