SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
