Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
