I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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