I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
