If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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