So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
