party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
