At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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