Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
