I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
