Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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