My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
