Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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