Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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