Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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