I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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