I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
its liver damage thursday
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