Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
