His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
