The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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