Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Are my feet made of real feet?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
