I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
