if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
operation harelip BJ is a go
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
