Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
