Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
