Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
