I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
