I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
