dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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