I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
