come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
