I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
