i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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