So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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