Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
