John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
