I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
