Is it because I queefed?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
