i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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