Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
