I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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