He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
