The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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