She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
