even my farts smell like vagina
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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