fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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