i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
