I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
