also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
