I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
