it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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