Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
