Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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