you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
