I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
