So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
