would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
