Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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