Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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