It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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