I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
