i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
