looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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